Why “Nice Guys” are often such LOSERS. And Girls like JERKS.

Hi!

I want to share with you one of the best articles I ever read about relationships.

Do women want thought guys that don’t open the door for her, don’t buy her roses, and do all the opposite she tells him?! Why do women dump *nice guys* and keep those guys that treat her like *s**t*?!

I invite you read this excellent article from Heartless-Bitches.com:

The sensitive guyYou hear it all the time: “He was such a NICE Guy, and she’s such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him.”

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the “Nice Guy” have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that “Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea.”

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What’s wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys ™ are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity — a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are “users” — just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on “Nice Guys”, stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It’s no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life…

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find “Nice Guys” to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a “lets get together for coffee” date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be “friends”, in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a “date”.

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be — not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be “one” with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it’s being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly “give in”. When she doesn’t appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, “Everything I did, I did for her.”, as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn’t want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that “no one will ever love her as much as I do.” Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: “You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I’m here.”

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue… But love isn’t mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: “Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?”

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. “She is my Life, my only source of happiness…” YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after “hard luck” cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are “helpers”. A Nice Guy thinks that by “helping” this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don’t like themselves. Is it any wonder women don’t like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for “love”.

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN’T SEXY. IT’S A TURNOFF.

You don’t have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

Women like jerks

I hope you enjoyed the article as much as I did.

If you are a girl, tell us your experiences with nice guys. Are you still going with him or you like being worshiped like a queen?! ;o)

If you are guy… are you a nice guy!?

Stay tuned!

Cheers,

Questor

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17 Responses to Why “Nice Guys” are often such LOSERS. And Girls like JERKS.

  1. Bollocks says:

    Questor,

    you are a shallow cunt are you not?

    Yeah i’ve been called a nice guy many a time. so what. what you don’t realise (being american) is that you are judging a snapshot of a persons life. what a shallow perspective you have on people and one day it maybe you who is heart brocken and looking for the “nice guy” in your life. you are just the sort of idiot i never ever wish to meet. and being do nice… i will classify you as total CUNT. now how fucking NICE is that.

  2. Bollocks says:

    actually, makes me so irrate that i will leave another message. we all suffer in life in one way or another. some of us become successful full in certain things, fail in others. YOU have the sheer audacity to describe a person WHOM you HAVE NEVER KNOWN as (and possibly is) a “nice” guy. I feel sorry for you. because you are the type of person that will judge a book by its cover. stick to watching films perhaps? hollywood remakes only. yours nice cunt.

  3. Questor says:

    HAHA! Awesome response!
    Bollocks I am a guy, and I am NOT the author of the article (You should see I wrote: “I want to share an article with you… from HearletssBitches.com”). However I think your reply was great!

    I just wish the author- which is really a woman- read yours to see what they would answer. They might eventually see it actually. ;o)

    I’ve also been judged like a “nice guy” many times, and had I had the bad experience of having a girl dump me for any of the reasons described above, I would so hard tell her all the things you just mentioned- awesome!

    I guess the author doesn’t have anything to hide, as she herself has named her site as “hearless bitches”, but I would say that even her words are harsh and in many cases prejucious ‘like judging a book by it’s cover as you say’, there are some points that make me keep thinking.

    For example with this I agree:”In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself”, although the following and so many other paragraphs are so harsh and maybe not so true:

    “They are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be “friends”, in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a “date””

    So mean and cruel, isn’t it? … haha…
    I hope must girls don’t think like this, I am glad at least my gf and friends don’t!

    What does everybody else think, do you agree with her? Is she a complete “heartless-bitch” or does anything of what she say is a bit true?

    Let me tell you though, that this questions gives me a chill 🙂

    Thanks for the comment Bollocks, your answer was really a relief!

    Cheers!
    Yours,
    Questor

  4. Spectra says:

    Clearly both Questor and Bollocks are “losers” and are now upset because they feel provoked by this article. Aw, it’s ok boys.

    I loved this article. I agree 100%.
    More of this please! 🙂

  5. Questor says:

    Hi Spectra! 🙂
    Are you a “hearless-bitch”? lol

    Bollocks reaction was really funny to me at first, but he really has some good points indeed.
    Tell us about your experiences with “Nice guys”. :o)
    Are you dating a “nice guy” right now or “jerk”?!

    Yours,
    Questor

  6. Questor says:

    I’ve got something to add…

    I think it’s also about age. I think young inmature girls like jerks,
    while mature intelligent girls who have already surpassed their teenage inmature years,
    look for intelligent boys.

    … And I don’t say “nice guys”, I say “intellegent” guys.

    Still- it’s true that girls don’t like it when a guy is just too ‘easy’. But- it’s really the same with guys. Harder to catch… most of the times means more attractive.

    So… Spectra… are you still a ‘heartless-bitch’ or mature intelligent woman? ;o)
    What does everyone think!?

    Are nice guys really such LOOSERS?! hahahah
    or are these just plain ice-cold inmature girls?

    Girls tell us the TRUTH!!!
    Best wishes,
    Questor
    P.S: Spectra.. just teasing you 🙂 Tell us more about you!

  7. OiYes says:

    It took the cartoon but to translate offset the time spent… even liked the post

  8. Antony says:

    Yeah, Im a nice guy. It totally sux. I don’t really care though. I like to treat everyone around me with as much love and respect I can. I hope it rubs off on them, but dont expect anything in return. Its just who I am. I am not selfconciece about anything and Im far from insecure. I think its just true that women like jerks. The person who wrote this article sounds like shes trying to defend herself, most likely because shes dating a jerk. In the end I think the world would be better off with more nice guys. Dont you?

  9. brittany says:

    im dating a nice guy, and have been for a few years. 50% of the time i love the attention, 30% of the time it gets on my nerves and 20% of the time he’s actually doing things for himself and in his best interest. of course ive doubted us at times, but im going to stick with the nice guy…

    but the article is right, he needs to love himself, and set goals in his life that hes excited to follow. they say guys mature years slower than girls, so i’m hoping he matures before we grow apart.

    He’s great tho but the article is right about the whole, not ever choosing anything himself…always asking me what i want…so he can place the blame on me. But if the biggest problem (in our relationship or perhaps one day, our marriage) is who is going to pick weather we eat out or in tonight. I think thats ok.

  10. Phil says:

    First off, a disclosure: I’m a “nice guy”. But I am NOT a doormat; I’m from New York for Chrissakes! Born in the Bronx and everything. So, let me say this:

    I think the “Heartless Bitch” who wrote the article was deliberately doing a character assassination on all guys who treat women as equals, in hopes of driving traffic to her site and using forum posts to boost her stats.

    She’d have to be a borderline psychopath to write all that nonsense with a straight face; if she was being honest, she needs therapy, and I mean pronto.

    Let me tell you MY “nice guy” story. I was dating this chick, who really wasn’t that great looking (actually she looked like John Lennon with breasts). But she seemed nice, and I liked her, so I wanted to set her at ease.

    I told her she didn’t have anything to worry about, I’d already decided she was a keeper, so don’t sweat it, I’m all hers, right?

    INSTANT personality change. I mean, she went freakin’ NUTS. Literally overnight she became an utter bitch on wheels, telling me to shut up all the time, telling me I talk too much (then making me listen to cat stories for hours), it turned out she’d faked her interest in all the things I like to do (and that Things Would Change — cue ominous music)… It was SHOCKING.

    So, I bid her goodbye Monday morning, and when she was a safe distance away, I called her on her cell. She began giving me all sorts of shit, criticizing me and so on, and I interrupted her and said “Never call me again — seriously, we’re done. Goodbye.”

    She actually shut up! For the first time in three days! And can you believe it actually hurt her FEELINGS? She said, in this weird little girl’s voice “why?”

    “Because you went from being really nice to being a bitch on wheels in two days flat, that’s why. Now goodbye, I have to go to work.”

    Don’t mess with us nice guys! We’ll only take so much!

  11. Good for you Phil. I have seen so many people go through the same thing over the years, especially myself. Yes nice guys can be great, but they do need to have a life of their own, which you’ve done.

    I am one of those females that can have the rapid mood swings, but come on! Men have them too haha. The good guy thing is only around because everyone is so judgemental about everyone. Even the jerks can be a nice guy when they know its the girl they want forever and the nice guys can be jerks too. So in the end everyone is one or the other at some point in life.

  12. bollocks just stfu nerd cunt says:

    dont break a keyboard stupid american nerd cunt, think about it, you got a black guy running your country, focus on that problem first k?

  13. Grew up says:

    And then you’ll age more rapidly and be haggard by forty and tired from being smacked around;cheated on;stolen from;credit ruined;depressed and used up.But hey you’ll get good sex until then when he isn’t screwing your best friend or sister or some bar whore.Enjoy girls:)

    Oh,I am a woman and I now have a “nice guy”(doesn’t always equal wimp) who is intelligent,assertive and treats me like a human being.

  14. that girl over there says:

    She wasn’t talking about the guys that treat women as equals she was talking about the guys that place girls on pedestals (bending over backwards for a pretty girl that they may have just met)… I think what this article saying is mostly true. I have a lot of guy friends, a lot. And all of them where nice guys, but nice in the sense that they thought if they were friendly to me I’d date them. She wasn’t talking about all nice guys, just the guys that are desperately insecure that use emotional manipulation to date girl they like instead of just saying it to her,that label all women as liking assholes/heartless bitches.

  15. Mike says:

    Things are the same in the U.K
    I have decided to look overseas to find someone.

  16. For all I know, based on my experiences, even the genuine nice guys, the ones who truly do care, and have earned their reputations of being who they are, are still screwed over. They are stuck in the so-called “friend zone” because, somehow and some way, they “don’t have what a woman wants”. Because, from the sound of things in this day and age, perhaps as a result of generational differences, a woman truly wants way more than just compassion, everlasting love, decency, those sorts of things that are almost non-existent in this day and age.

    Debates such as the “nice guy phenomenon” and articles like this pretty much perpetuate that the status quo in society has the genuine ones by the balls. These issues are rife with sharks, looking for an opportunity to make something out of someone who says something that they think will trigger a perfect smear campaign….such as the possibility that “the so-called nice guys end up becoming bitter pricks because they’re jealous of how they don’t have what a woman wants, especially since they’re not as attractive as the men their gal-friends seek,” et cetera, et cetera, and of course they dictate that, in the end, it’s the nice guy’s fault; it’s all his fault because he was taken for granted, used, shunned, and all that stuff. So, basically, both the Nice Guy™ and nice guys are dictated as “undeserving of any pity,” that “It’s all their fault,” those sorts of things.

    What people don’t pay attention to is the possibility that we all have difficulties in our own lives; none of us are the same, despite whatever contrary may feel as such. This is because of the antagonistic nature of people in this day and age; nobody trusts anybody, and people are selfish, shrewd, uptight, egotistical, and even manipulative. So how can someone be entirely at fault because he/she has been harassed, abused, or ostracized? What if that person truly tried in life, only to end up where he/she is now, as the supposed “bitter prick” he/she is now? If there’s anything this person is at fault with, it is using these horrible life experiences as a crutch to be ignorant and crotchety towards others, having given up on trying to be kind after a lifetime of being on the receiving end.

    In fact, a lot of women, especially ones who are beautiful in appearance, are so used to being asked out by simple-minded thugs who only want one thing, that being courted with a true nice guy is so alien to her that it’s something she can’t accept. But the reason women date the opposite of the nice guy is because of some competitive feel; sometimes they think they can even change that bad boy into a sweet-hearted Prince Charming. But most of the time that man never changes. Nonetheless, it’s enough to make you wonder…..does true love require you to change that man? Otherwise, if there is nothing to change in the man, then he’s not worth it? Worse yet, if a woman has been so used to being in abusive, negative relationships, she and her friends could distrust even the genuine nice guy, because she may’ve had to deal with the Nice Guy™, the kind who uses kindness as a cover for something dark and twisted….therefore, the genuine nice guy ends up being as someone not to be trusted; sometimes it will evolve to the point where the hard-ass bad boy types are considered more trustworthy, simply because they boast more confidence and “are not afraid” to act as they are towards others.

    The whole feeling about “competition”, “bragging rights”, or just having a piece of cherry pie to eat out whenever he damn well pleases, occurs mostly in the high school years. However, you might also notice that it occurs even in the adult world, even if mostly among celebrities. For some reason, both sides always interpret is as “love”, even if this love is actually just “lust” and just having a piece of ass by your side.

    It took me all these years to finally realize it. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t as I was. I have my own problems, and I admit that I feel jealous when it comes to reading articles and debates like this. I’ve always appreciated being told how kind I was, even being told I’m a “sweet-heart”….but there’s always a catch to everything. But people, including those whom I’ve held dear to me but have disregarded me, told me to never change. One even told me to never give up opening my heart, even despite the fact that it’s been trampled all over more than it has been accepted. However, because I’m not like other guys, I’ll be deprived of the more pleasant things other guys have the privilege of basking in, like having a beautiful lady by your side to share your life & affections with.

    I’m not asking for your sympathy. The purpose of this post is just to express my opinion of this whole “nice guy phenomenon”. Feel free to respond.

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